


that something lovers call fate

by twicelucky



Series: every night's a different story [2]
Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M, jinyoung is a chaebol, they fall in love, yugyeom is a student
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-08 02:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14684214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twicelucky/pseuds/twicelucky
Summary: Yugyeom is just about to graduate university when he meets Jinyoung at a club, and nothing is the same.





	1. every day's a different warning

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Here is the promised but belated Yugyeom POV of “it’s a 30 car pileup with you”. I will kind of be updating this as I can, just because I have two other WIPs right now, but I don’t want that to stop me! This is a short scene, but others will be much longer, so don't fear. 
> 
> Fic title from "It Had To Be You" by Billie Holiday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from “Dance Yrself Clean” by LCD Soundsystem, and the same song that gave me the title of “it’s a 30 car pileup with you”. Also it came on while I was driving and I forgot what a good song it is. 
> 
> I have some ideas for what scenes I want to write, but if there is a specific scene you want to see from the original fic, please let me know -- think of this as a thank-you for all your support on that fic! <3 <3 <3 <3

It’s cold as shit outside, and the coffee shop looks cozy and warm, and best of all -- it looks empty. Yugyeom can easily spread out his stuff and study. He has a test for Enzyme and Bio-Organic Chemistry, and he needs a shit ton of caffeine if he’s going to get through this material.

The bell over the door tinkles as he opens it, and he lets out an involuntary shiver of relief at the warm air. He hadn’t dressed warm enough for the weather at all, not thinking that the winter winds would be as strong as they were. It smells like butter and coffee, and everything welcoming.

The cafe is just as quiet as he saw from the outside -- there’s only one other person inside, looking at their phone. Yugyeom doesn’t mean to stare, but there’s something familiar about them. He looks a little closer, and then it clicks. It’s Jinyoung. Yugyeom finds himself freezing up. He wants to run away, he should run away, but something in him just can’t.

To be fair, Yugyeom wasn’t expecting to see Jinyoung either. Of all the cafes in the fucking city, he wound up in the same deserted cafe as the person he didn’t want to see. He can’t help but notice that Jinyoung looks good. He’s just wearing a simple turtleneck and coat -- both expensive looking -- and his cheeks have a healthy flush on them.

Yugyeom squares his shoulders back, and approaches Jinyoung’s table. Jinyoung is staring up at him.

“Jinyoung.” He greets coolly.

“Yugyeom.” Jinyoung says in response.

“Are you following me?” Yugyeom asks, even though technically he would be the one who was following Jinyoung in this situation. But he’s the one who’s wronged technically, so he’s allowed to say things that don’t make sense.

“No! I’m not, honestly.” Jinyoung replies quickly, eyes wide.

“I said no to you, so now you’re stalking me?” He asks.

“I can guarantee I’m not stalking you. I don’t want to run into you just as much as you don’t want to run into me.” Jinyoung says, and Yugyeom feels his eyes narrow. As much as he doesn’t like the guy now, Jinyoung had seemed pretty into him when they first met.

“Let’s not run into each other again, even if it’s a coincidence.”

“Fine. Yes.”

  
“I’m friends with a police officer just so you know.” Yugyeom says, which is kind of the truth. His friend Jeongguk is technically in the police academy, but he isn’t quite a real police officer yet. But his words have the effect he intended, because Jinyoung’s eyes go wide.

  
“Alright. Point made. We won’t see each other. Please don’t call the police.” Jinyoung says quickly. He actually looks slightly alarmed, which makes Yugyeom feel satisfied.

“Don’t do anything to make me.” Yugyeom says back.

“I won’t.”

  
“Good.”

  
“Fine.” Jinyoung says, and it seems to Yugyeom that their conversation is coming to an end.

  
“If that’s all, I’m going to get going.” Yugyeom says and then takes a step towards the door.

“Wait!” He blurts out. Yugyeom stops walking and turns back to face Jinyoung.

“What is it?”

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for how I treated you. It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair to you.” He says and Yugyeom watches the tips of his ears turn slightly red. It shouldn’t be as endearing as it is.

“I don’t have to accept your apology.” Yugyeom says, but he’s interested to see how this will play out.

“I know. But I wanted to apologize anyways.” Jinyoung says and he sounds oddly sincere.

“Thank you, I guess.”

  
“So you accept my apology?”

  
“Does it matter?”

  
“A little.” Jinyoung says and Yugyeom is silent for a moment.

  
“Fine. It’s not like I’ll see you again.”

  
“Alright. So I’ll just…” Jinyoung doesn’t even finish his sentence, he just quickly zips up his coat and leaves. Yugyeom stares at his phone, typing a rapid message to Youngjae to tell him what just happened, but he glances up every few seconds to make sure that Jinyoung is actually leaving. Jinyoung turns around briefly to look at Yugyeom before he pushes open the door, and Yugyeom stares back. He can’t fucking believe that Jinyoung showed up here somehow, and not only that, he apologized. And seemed somewhat genuine about it.

Once Jinyoung is gone from the cafe, Yugyeom lets out a heavy sigh. It really feels like the end here, the last time he’ll see Jinyoung. And even though he hates Jinyoung, he still feels a teeny tiny bit of disappointment that he’ll never see Jinyoung again.

It’s silly, but he wonders sometimes what would happen if they hadn’t met at the club -- if they’d somehow met somewhere else. What would’ve happened? Would he still have felt that pull to Jinyoung? Would they still have this strange fated connection? Yugyeom isn’t sure.

He’s been angry at Jinyoung sure -- he’s ranted to Bambam and Youngjae more times than he’d like to admit, but it’s more than just annoyance and hurt. There’s something more to Jinyoung, something intriguing, despite the fact that Jinyoung is just a stranger to him. Yugyeom shouldn’t be devoting any more of his time than he already has, but here he is, sitting in a coffee shop with his work spread around him, thinking about the mysterious Jinyoung.

\--

But he can’t focus on his work. His coursework makes no sense on the best day, and today it seems like complete gibberish with thoughts of Jinyoung swirling around his brain too. He can’t really believe that Jinyoung actually apologized. He can’t believe that he let Jinyoung apologize, and accepted his apology.

Yugyeom winds up just giving up and going home early, because he isn’t going to get any serious work done when his brain is full of Jinyoung.

“Hey, you’re home early. What’s up?” Bambam asks when Yugyeom gets home, looking up from his stack of graphs. He looks tired, Yugyeom thinks.

“I ran into the guy from the club again and I couldn’t focus.” He answers, because there isn’t any point in lying. Bambam’s face shifts into something fierce, protective.

“What? Did he say anything?” Bambam asks, shoving his laptop away.

“Yeah. He apologized to me.” Yugyeom admits.

“Apologized?” Bambam parrots, looking incredulous. “That asshole?”

“I know.”

“You didn’t let him did you?” Bambam asks accusingly.

“Uh.”

“Yugyeom!”

“I just heard him out! So what?”

“So what? He’s a manipulative asshole! You don’t owe him anything.”

“I know, I know. I just… I just listened to him.” Bambam just sighs. “I’m never going to see him again.”

“I just don’t want to see you hurt.” Bambam says softly. “You were so mad after that night at the club, and I know it’s because you thought he was handsome.”

“He is…” Yugyeom mumbles, which does nothing to help his case. Jinyoung is even better looking in the daylight, not the dim lights of some club. He’s the type that’s just effortlessly handsome.

“Yugyeom! You can’t just forgive him because you want to fuck him!” Bambam says with a groan, at which point Youngjae appears out of seemingly nowhere.

“Who is Yugyeom fucking?” Youngjae asks.

“No one!” Yugyeom yells.

“The hot guy from the club.” Bambam says gleefully and Yugyeom wants to beat him up. The next thing he knows, both Bambam and Youngjae are screeching about his boyfriend. “Im gonna kick his ass!”

“I want to meet him before you kill him! It isn’t fair that only you’ve met him!” Youngjae yells, and then somehow the two of them are slapping each other. Yugyeom has long since given up trying to understand the two of them.

He makes his way to his room and collapses on his bed, thoughts wandering to Jinyoung once again.

“Yugyeom-ah? Do you want me to help you study for your test on Tuesday?” Youngjae calls through the door.

“No.” He calls back, muffled through the duvet cover. He can hear the door opening, and Youngjae comes in, lying on the bed beside him.

“Are you okay?” Youngjae asks, and Yugyeom flips so he’s facing Youngjae.

“Yeah. Just a little mixed up.” He says, which is the truth. There are a mixture of emotions running through him, and he isn’t sure how to classify the feeling.

“Is Bambam giving you a hard time about it? I can talk to him-”

“It’s fine. He means well.”

“So why do you sound so sad?” Youngjae asks softly.

“It’s dumb.” Yugyeom whines. Youngjae pokes him in the ribs. “Fine. I guess I just… wonder what would happen if we met again? Now that he’s apologized.”

“Hmm. You’d be on better terms.” Youngjae says. “Maybe you could start by being friends.”

“Maybe.” Yugyeom says. He isn’t sure how that could happen, but he wouldn’t be opposed. “Like I’ll ever see him again.”

“What’s meant to be is meant to be.” Youngjae says, and even though Yugyeom knows that he’s trying to be comforting, it doesn’t make him feel any better.


	2. love is a chain of diminishing returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is easily the most requested scene. Yugyeom's POV of the "I think we should just be friends" scene. Lmao. Hope you love angst, because I know I do ;). 
> 
> Chapter title from "Diminishing Returns " by Ali Love.

Jinyoung is driving him crazy. One second he's sweeping Yugyeom off his feet, and the next he's kissing someone else, and then trying to act like that's fine -- like it's no big deal. Yugyeom doesn't know what to make of the whole thing. His brain is a muddled mess of thoughts and feelings, some good, some bad, and entirely confusing. There's an underlying current of tension between them that they're just ignoring. He looks forward to seeing Jinyoung each time, but then there's just something in the air between them, an indicator that something is not quite right in their relationship. Yugyeom can feel it, simmering just below the surface, waiting to come up. He isn't sure what will happen when it does.

He hasn't decided if he'll be the first to break their detente.

Either way, he's stuck in class thinking about the boy with a stupid perfect face, and a stupid fast car, and a tendency to make Yugyeom feel like he's the only person in this world.

He's also the person who can make Yugyeom feel like utter shit, like he's nobody. His ex-boyfriend couldn't even do that. Jinyoung comes to Yugyeom when it's convenient for him, when he wants him. What about when Yugyeom wants him? Jinyoung is a busy person, but apparently he doesn't have time for a relationship. Fuck that, Yugyeom thinks.

As if on cue, his phone buzzes, and he can see Bambam's eyes flick to the screen of his phone from the seat beside him. Yugyeom hastily flips over his phone, avoiding Bambam's judging eyes, and shifting his phone to his lap to look in private. He really shouldn't be texting in class, but here he is. It's a text from Jinyoung.

**pepi_jy_**

**I'm making dinner tonight, if you want to come over.**

**I want to talk.**

Yugyeom feels his heart start to hammer in his chest. He doesn't know what Jinyoung wants to talk about. Does he want to break up with him? Does he want to take a break? Yugyeom doesn't even know. They've been okay recently. Not great, but okay. Not since Jinyoung kissed Mark.

But if Jinyoung wants to talk, then Yugyeom should talk too, talk about how this needs to stop.

His fingers shake as he types out his response.

**yu_gyeom**

**i want to talk too**

**see u then**

\--

He knows what he needs to do.

He's going to break things off with Jinyoung.

He can't get hurt again. Not like before. Jinyoung is too good at getting under his skin, making a place for himself, and making it so that Yugyeom never wants him to leave. It isn't Yugyeom that would end things, it would be Jinyoung.

And Yugyeom isn't willing to risk all his happiness for someone who hasn't proven that he can give his love back. Even if Yugyeom's stomach twists, and his head hurts just thinking of breaking up with Jinyoung. But he knows that it's for the best -- that if he doesn't, then Jinyoung can just cast him aside when he decides he's done playing. Because Jinyoung has it all, he has everything -- and Yugyeom is a nobody. Jinyoung can decide any day that he doesn't want Yugyeom any more. Yugyeom doesn't have that luxury. Jinyoung has Mark, and he could have any number of people that he wanted. He'd just have to say the word. He's rich, and hot as hell, and smart, and funny. But more than that, he's a force of nature. Yugyeom finds himself caught in Jinyoung's path, helpless to do anything but Jinyoung wants.

He hadn't told any of his friends what he was going to do. He already knows what their reactions would be. Bambam has only just accepted Jinyoung. Barely. Youngjae gets along well with Jinyoung. They'll both be disappointed in him, but it doesn't matter. They're not the one dangerously in love with someone who might never love them back as fiercely.

So he needs to get out of Jinyoung's path before it's too late. He knows how Mark is, how Mark looks at Jinyoung. Jinyoung latches onto people, whether he means to or not, and he doesn't let go. And that terrifies Yugyeom. Scares him that one day, he won't be able to leave, and he'll be stuck even more heartbroken than he is.

Because irrevocably, Yugyeom loves Jinyoung.

He's been thinking about it for days now, replaying and replaying their time together -- from the very first time that they met, to when Jinyoung drove him to look out at the city at night, to when he'd dumbly gone over to Jinyoung's apartment to fight. The last months have been a fucking rollercoaster, and Yugyeom wants to get off, even if it hurts him. He needs to.

\--

The rest of the day feels like an eternity. Yugyeom methodically changes his clothes, and takes the subway to the stop closest to Jinyoung's apartment. His legs feel heavy as he makes his way to Jinyoung's building. He doesn't want to do this.

He gets buzzed in, and makes his way up to Jinyoung's floor, body thrumming. His body feels like an elastic ready to snap. He wants to run away.

Jinyoung sounds like he's just run for the door, based on his heavy breaths. He's staring at Yugyeom, and Yugyeom feels his stupid stupid heart start to resist what he's about to do. Then his face splits into a giant grin, and Yugyeom wants to cry.

He watches Jinyoung lead him inside, and tries not to act strangely.

They make small talk as Jinyoung puts dinner on the table. Yugyeom feels himself fidget as Jinyoung chatters about his day, about the weather. He seems so happy just to have Yugyeom there.

"I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you. It's been a hard few months for me but you've been there for me the whole time, even when I didn't deserve it." Jinyoung says finally, looking him right in the eye.

Yugyeom doesn't even realize that he's chewing on his bottom lip until he catches Jinyoung staring. He's sure that his nervousness is showing -- that Jinyoung can see right through him.

"Yugyeom, what's wrong?" Jinyoung asks, and Yugyeom feels his heart drop.

"Nothing." Yugyeom answers, knowing how petulant he must sound.

"Something is clearly wrong." Jinyoung says, reaching a hand across the table to touch Yugyeom's shoulder but Yugyeom shakes it off. He doesn't want Jinyoung's hand to ever move. He feels a wave of bitterness swell up inside.

"What is it to you? Why do you even care?" Yugyeom says, and he forces himself to look away from Jinyoung. He can't look at him any longer than he needs to.

"Of course I care." Jinyoung says, eyebrows knitting together in concern. Yugyeom only wishes he could believe him.

"Then show me that you care about me!" He says, words coming out louder than he'd anticipated.

"I'm trying!" Jinyoung says back.

"Try harder!" Yugyeom bursts out, letting all his concerns come out. "I can't help but feel like you use me when you're feeling stressed. But what about me? What happens when I'm stressed? You're busy with work?"

Jinyoung gapes at him. Yugyeom can practically see the gears turning in his head.

"I didn't-"

"I know you didn't know. Otherwise I don't think you would've done it. But it feels really shitty to feel like you only want me when you don't feel good, or you're feeling stressed." Yugyeom pauses, breathing heavily. "And it really fucked me up when you kissed Mark, I want you to know that."

"I know. I'm so so so sorry." Jinyoung says quickly.

"I know that we aren't together but you know that wasn't fair to me."

"I know." Jinyoung whispers, eyes meeting Yugyeom's.

"Can you tell me about you and him?" Yugyeom asks, voice cracking slightly.

"Are you sure?" Jinyoung asks, looking tense.

"Yeah. I need to know." Yugyeom pleads. He's never needed to know something more in his life. He's also never not wanted to know anything more.

"Okay." Jinyoung says simply. So he does. He tells Yugyeom about how he met Mark through a friend of his friend at a club, and how they hooked up for the first time in the backroom of a high-end club. How it was just sex. Gratuitous sex, apparently.

How from there they only saw each other when they were sleeping together, but somewhere along the way Jinyoung become somewhat enamored. How Mark broke it off when Jinyoung wanted more out of their relationship, citing a difference of desired outcomes.

"You loved him?" Yugyeom asks quietly. He doesn't really want to know the answer. Jinyoung chews on his bottom lip. For a single moment, Yugyeom is so sure that Jinyoung is going to say yes, that he's chosen Mark. But-

"I thought I did. But now I'm not so sure. We really didn't have anything in common. And we didn't do anything besides sleep together. It was hardly the grounds for a relationship, not that I knew." Jinyoung answers, and Yugyeom doesn't know how, but he knows that Jinyoung is telling the truth.

"Do you still love him?" Yugyeom asks next, needing to make sure.

"No." Jinyoung says, and Yugyeom can't help but obviously exhale in relief. "When I kissed him that night it was because I felt out of control. That doesn't excuse what I did, but I hope you can sort of understand. Mark was familiar, and everything else was falling apart." The dread sitting at the base of Yugyeom's sternum threatens to spill out.

"Jinyoung-"

"And I know how it looked. I know how Mark looked at me. How he still looks at me sometimes when he thinks I'm not looking. But I'm only interested in him as a friend. It didn't work out with him for a reason."

"What was that reason?" He asks.

"I like to think it was because the universe knew I was going to meet you." Jinyoung says, offering Yugyeom a small smile. "I'm not interested in him in any way other than as a friend. He's a good guy, and he's been a good friend to me but that's all. I promise you."

"I believe you." Yugyeom says, and then adds, "I shouldn't have gotten mad at you that time I came over and asked if you'd sleep with Mark." It's true. He shouldn't have.

"It was a fair question." Jinyoung says, and Yugyeom wants to punch him for being so fucking fine with this whole conversation.

"I should've trusted you. But I was still angry and hurt."

"That's okay. I wasn't being fair to you or Mark. Or myself. Or our friends for having to pick sides." Jinyoung says. The bastard even has the gall to sound sincere.

"You're right." Yugyeom replies tensely. Nothing about what has happened has been fair.

"Do you think that I can make it right between us again?" Jinyoung asks. Yugyeom is silent for a moment, just staring right at Jinyoung as if he's trying to see if Jinyoung is serious, if Jinyoung really means it. He wants Jinyoung to be serious. But he knows that no matter what, he's going to end things with Jinyoung.

"Yeah. I think so." Yugyeom answers finally, almost abruptly.

"Thank you." Jinyoung says, unable to look away from Yugyeom. "I'm going to make it right. I'm going to prove to you how much I care." He sounds so sincere. Yugyeom wants to believe him. But he can't.

"Okay." Yugyeom whispers.

They finish their dinner and tidy up in silence.

"I'm tired Jinyoung." Yugyeom says, because he is. He suddenly feels the weight of their conversation, the weight of the previous weeks weighing down on him.

"Of course. Um, you can stay if you want? It's late. " Jinyoung asks, and the hope in his voice makes Yugyeom's chest ache. Yugyeom looks at him and sighs once.

"I don't know." He answers truthfully. He shouldn't.

"You don't have to of course. I just thought-" Jinyoung babbles, and Yugyeom can't help what comes out of his mouth.

"Okay." Yugyeom says, interrupting Jinyoung. "You probably have a big bed anyways." Jinyoung nods.

He shows Yugyeom to his room, and to the bathroom, handing him a pair of slightly too large pajamas to change into. In the bathroom, Yugyeom forces himself to take some deep breaths. He's fucking this night up. He changes and washes his face.

When he gets out of the bathroom, Jinyoung is already changed and sitting in bed. He looks nervous. Yugyeom pads over on the plush carpet and settles into place on the other side of the bed. Jinyoung really does have a big bed, Yugyeom notes. Not that he'll ever be here ever again.

They lie together in silence for a little while. Yugyeom can hear that Jinyoung is still awake.

"Thank you for telling me. Please tell me whenever you're stressed or anything. I'll always answer the phone for you, or be there if you need me. I promise." Jinyoung whispers so Yugyeom knows.

Yugyeom lies still for another moment before he moves closer so that they're lying closer together. They're close enough to touch now, if one of them only reaches out.

"Good night Yugyeom-ah." Jinyoung says, and reaches out so that he can hook his pinky over Yugyeom's thumb. Yugyeom lets him, humming in response. This is too much.

He lies awake, listening to Jinyoung fall asleep -- breath slowing and steadying, face going slack. Yugyeom allows himself to turn his head to the side, only slightly in case Jinyoung wakes up, and look at him. He shouldn't have agreed to this. He shouldn't have done this.

He sits up and swings his legs over the edge of the bed, ready to leave. Ready to just walk out and not see Jinyoung again.

But he looks at Jinyoung's relaxed face, how calm he looks when he sleeps. Jinyoung has been so stressed, he thinks. He doesn't know how much it would hurt for him to just stay the night. Just one night. Jinyoung had seemed so happy to see him. So happy that Yugyeom stupidly stupidly agreed to stay the night. It was a mistake. But yet Jinyoung was so happy, and Yugyeom can't muster up the strength to shatter that happiness just yet.

\--

He sleeps fitfully through the night, waking up almost every hour. Each time he wakes up, he thinks about leaving, or thinks about just wrapping his arms around Jinyoung and staying close to him. His heart and mind are tugging him in two different directions.

When he wakes up the last time, the sun is streaming through the big windows, and Jinyoung isn't in bed. He can hear Jinyoung puttering around in the kitchen, and Yugyeom forces himself to take a deep breath, and get up.

He changes quickly back into his clothes and makes his way into the kitchen. Jinyoung is stirring something on the stove, and Yugyeom's heart feels ready to rip.

"Good morning!" Jinyoung says cheerfully, and Yugyeom's heart falls into his fucking stomach. He looks so happy, just from Yugyeom spending the night, and he's about to go and kind of break up with him. "Do you want breakfast?" He asks, smile almost as bright as the sun. Yugyeom needs to fucking do it.

"Jinyoung-ah." Yugyeom says while Jinyoung stirs at the stove. It's probably a low blow to say his name so familiarly, but he can't help it.

"Hmm?"

"I think we should be just friends." Yugyeom says quietly, trying to keep from crying.

"Hmm?" Jinyoung says again, unsure if he just heard correctly over the sound of the stove.

"I want us to just be friends." Yugyeom says again, meeting Jinyoung's eyes directly. His tears somehow disappear in his conviction. "Is that okay?"

"We- what happened? Are you- are you sure?" Jinyoung asks, looking incredibly confused.

"Last night was a mistake." Yugyeom says. "Not that we fought and talked. But that I slept here. I shouldn't have done that."

"Yugyeom-ah." Jinyoung says, and he sounds so broken.

"I just think it's best if we just be friends. Don't you think? We can leave all this behind us and start over." Yugyeom says, mentally reciting the script he'd set out ahead of time.

"I-"

"I want it." Yugyeom says forcefully. He feels like he's going to throw up.

"If it's what you want, then we'll do it." Jinyoung says quietly, and Yugyeom watches his hands shake to turn the stove off. Jinyoung grips the edge of the counter, looking as if he's going to fall over at any second. Yugyeom's heart shatters a little more knowing that it was him that caused that reaction.

"Thanks Jinyoung-ah. I knew you'd be understanding." Yugyeom says, forcing himself to grin. He's sure that he must look insane, but if he doesn't smile, he's sure that he's going to cry.

He barely realizes that he's leaving Jinyoung's apartment until suddenly he's outside, the early morning sun hitting his face. His stomach hurts, his head hurts, and he feels dizzy.

Yugyeom doesn't remember a single part of the way home. Not a single part. He feels numb. He feels everything. He wants nothing more than to run back and tell Jinyoung that it was a mistake. Was it a mistake? Yugyeom doesn't even know any more.

\--

He stumbles home, and finds the apartment empty -- Bambam and Youngjae are thankfully out. Yugyeom doesn't know how he would handle them. He barely knows how to handle himself.

He makes his way into the shower and cranks it to full heat, stripping hastily, and then curling up on the floor of the shower. He doesn't even realize that he's crying until he gets out of the shower, dries off, and there's tears dripping down his cheek, pooling on his upper lip. He rubs them away roughly, cursing himself for being so weak. He'd known that he needed to break up with Jinyoung, and then when he did, he's being so fucking sad about the whole thing.

He'll be better off without Jinyoung. Without Jinyoung he can breathe properly. He can go back to his normal life without any worries about a stupid chaebol who can't seem to get out of his head. A boy who's so compelling and so kind to him, until he isn't. Yugyeom's heart shattered when Youngjae told him that he saw Jinyoung kiss Mark. Fucking shattered into a million pieces. The only thing that he's happy about is that he wasn't there that night, that he didn't have to see it himself, because he isn't sure that he could ever forget it.

He knows that Jinyoung is fucked up, that his family is fucked up, and he's under enormous pressure at work. But the fact that he just kissed someone else because he felt under control? Yugyeom might logically understand why he did what he did, but that doesn't make him feel any better at all.

Because he's so fucking in love with Jinyoung that it hurts.

\--

He tells Bambam and Youngjae the next day when they come into his bedroom in the morning. There's no hiding his puffy eyes and sad face. He'd hardly slept the night before.

"I'm sorry." Youngjae says with a sad face.

"You fucked this one up." Bambam says stiffly, pats Yugyeom's arm, and walks out of the room.

"I don't know what to do." Yugyeom whispers to Youngjae.

\--

A day turns into two. And then three. He goes to class, and goes home. He looks at Jinyoung's contact in his phone, and sets his phone down. He hardly sleeps. He hates it, but he doesn't know if it would be any better if he and Jinyoung were still doing whatever strange tango they'd been doing before this. He wonders what Jinyoung is doing, and then he realizes that he isn't allowed to think about that any more. He'd ended that connection between them when he said that he wanted to be just friends. Stupidstupidstupid, he thinks to himself.

Bam is oddly angry with him. Yugyeom hadn't been expecting that. Of his friends, he would've assumed that Bambam would be happy about it. But he's mad at Yugyeom, and withdrawn from their friends. Yugyeom doesn't know what to make of it.

\--

The next time he sees Jinyoung, he has to pretend like nothing has happened between them. He talks and jokes with him as if nothing is different. Except that Jinyoung isn't responding. His eyes don't leave Yugyeom for the entire breakfast.

Their friends keep looking between them, presumably unsure why Yugyeom is so normal, and Jinyoung is so not. But Yugyeom just grits his teeth and continues to pretend -- sure that if he tries hard enough that things will go back to normal. He needs things to go back to normal. Someday he won't be in love with Jinyoung, and everything will be fine.

His heart won't beat faster at the thought of Jinyoung. Jinyoung and Mark can be happy together. Yugyeom can go back to his usual life. He'll get into medical school, and he won't ever need to think about Jinyoung ever again.

It's going to be perfect, if his heart can just knit itself back together again. 


End file.
